


I write sins not tragidies

by Lenomicron



Category: Secret History - Donna Tartt
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Ancient Greece & Rome, Ancient Greek gods, Drug Use, M/M, Out of Character, Parallel Universes, This Is STUPID, a bit like an orgy but with two people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:55:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24356185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lenomicron/pseuds/Lenomicron
Summary: "Richard...I know this sounds ridiculous and like I'm out of my mind but you have to believe me. A week ago I found a book explaining how to open parallel worlds! And it's really unbelievable but everything in this book sounds so real and uncomplicated to replicate." Henry looked so excited that I couldn't bring myself to tell him his idea was the stupidest thing I've ever heard.Taking a deep breath I looked him in the eye to make sure he knew how serious I was."Henry...to me this sounds like you just want to get high and cover it with another one of those idiotic rituals-" He turned away from me, muttering something like me being just like the others. I stopped him."You didn't let me finish. I was going to say that nevertheless how crazy your idea might be...I'm in."
Relationships: Richard Papen/Henry Winter
Kudos: 15





	I write sins not tragidies

**Author's Note:**

> AN: this is just some crap I came up with when I was supposed to study for my finals. So please don't take this too serious. And English is not my first language so please be gentle with your feedback if you find any spelling, grammar or lexical mistakes, thank you.

In my time at Hampton I experienced one of the most eventful years of my life. And those events weren't always good-natured. Let me tell you about one night I memorised as the best and worst night of my life.

It was on of those weekends we occasionally spent at Francis' aunt's house, that my life would turn itself around completely. We just came back from the lakeside, as Henry tapped on my shoulder. Questionly I looked at him, but he simply singed the others to move on to the house and grabbed my arm to drag me back to the lake we sat at minutes before. It wasn't forceful but with a certain determination that showed me it had to be something important Henry wanted to tell me, whatever that was.  
Suddenly he stopped and let my wrist drop, so it dangled beside me. For a long moment he said nothing, just stood there, eyes on the lake, but not focused. I was burning to ask what all this was about, but I had a feeling he would tell me himself soon. And my patience was rewarded. Henry turned his head to me, his eyes full of something I would name uncertainty or caution if it were everyone except Henry but I had never seen this look on him before and I've come to know him as everything but so it was hard to tell if he really was irresolute and first of all why.  
Meanwhile he had his full body turned to me and now rested a heavy, warm hand on my shoulder. I prepared myself for everything that might come. That he was ill, robbed a bank, dropped one of Julian's orchids, whatever. But what he told me was far more grave and extraordinary. 

"Richard...I know this sounds ridiculous and like I'm out of my mind but you have to believe me. A week ago as class ended I stayed behind to ask Julian something. And on his desk I found a book explaining how to open parallel worlds! In a moment of negligence I took it and studied it over the past week. And it's really unbelievable but everything in this book sounds so real and uncomplicated to replicate." Henry looked so excited that I couldn't bring myself to tell him his idea was the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Instead I tried to figure out why be wanted to do this. 

"Soooo...you wanna try this out? Open parallel worlds? And you think this'll really gonna work? I mean don't take me wrong, this sounds like it could actually work but...why are you so interested in this stuff? I mean you didn't know we landed on the moon. So why this?" 

Henry signed and took his hand back. He looked a little less enthusiastic but answered my question nonetheless. 

"I...you know I've once made contact with the gods. And I...I want to try it again. With you." 

"But why me? You know the others way better than me, longer. I don't see why you chose me to do this...experiment with you. And if this will even work..."

"I'm sure it will." He smiled again. "And you're the only one who will do this for me. With me. The others will just laugh at me. You won't...right?" I simply nodded though still hesitant. Henry had said something about meeting gods. I remembered overhearing a conversation between Charles and Francis, something about loosing oneself in a and I quote "absurd attempt to copy a long (and for good) forgotten ancient Greek ritual" that apperently allowed you to reach a higher level of consciousness, like being high but in a meditative way. It was called the "bacchanal" and was devoted to the Roman god of wine: Bacchus. 

I still wasn't convinced that Henry and I could open portals to wherever he wanted to go, the Olymp for the start. Wary and with a strong feeling something would go terribly wrong, I listened to what Henry had to say.

"Look, it's really not that complicated. We will only need a bit of Kykeon, Salvia divinorum and those incantations in the book I found. Then we need a clear night, full moon and nothing'll go wrong, I'm sure!" I wasn't. To me Henry's plan sounded like some kid's wish to meet their hero from their favourite book or something. And just like a little boy, Henry looked and me, blue eyes shining with hope and childish excitement. I couldn't say no to him but I somehow had to wake him up, to get it into his brilliant, eccentric mind that this'll never take action. 

Taking a deep breath I looked him in the eye, firmly, touching his strong upper arms lightly to make sure he knew how serious I was.  
"Henry...to me this sounds like you just want to get high and cover it with another one of those idiotic rituals-" Henrys face hardent. His jaw clenched and brows drawn together, he turned away from me, muttering something like me being just like the others, close-mindet and too afraid to get out of my safety bubble and try something new. He already started heading back to the country house, when I stopped him. He haltered, but didn't turn to me. 

"You didn't let me finish. I was going to say that nevertheless how crazy your idea might be...I'm in." Slowly, like he was afraid it was a joke, Henry faced me. Observing my determined face and deciding I was being serious, the sparkle in his eyes returned and one of the corners of his mouth moved oh so slightly upward. 

"I knew I could count on you! So, there's not much time to prepare this whole thing. In four days is full moon and we need to set everything up. I have to learn the spells, practice the correct pronunciation, remember to draw the runes...you will fetch the magic mint...maybe ask Cloke if he knows where to get it and brew the Kykeon. We will begin the ceremony at midnight, so be on time, better a bit too early. I'll meet you in my garden so there ought to be no one who's going to watch us. That should be it for now. Better heading back to the others or they're going to be suspicious. Come on." 

As we came back, the others were in the living room, lounging on the couch or in the armchair, glass of whiskey in one hand and a cigarettein the other. Our entering caused most of them to look up (Bunny was laying past out in front of the chimney, empty glass beside him) and looking at us quizzical.

Henry said nothing and went straight to bed, I however stayed, drank a bit too much (like always) and played cards with Francis, Charles and Camilla until we couldn't hold our eyes open any longer. We retreated to our rooms but eventhough I desperately wanted to sleep its soothing, thought-numping feeling didn't come for a very long time. Thinking about being a part of the ceremony Henry wanted to do left me with a queasy feeling, but I couldn't prevent my thoughts from going back to it whenever I was on the verge of falling asleep. In the end I barely slept, probably two or three hours, and walked wobbly into the bathroom. This day will be a very long day. 

(⋅_⋅) (∶| ) (.㆒.) ( |∶) (⋅_⋅)

Sitting in front of my typewriter I stared at the staind wall, the brown and grey spots unable to identify. I actually had to write an essay that was due tomorrow but I couldn't even put a simple sentence together, words slipping away, unable to grasp them and express my thoughts. Tonight was THE night, the night Henry wanted (high) to dance under the moonlight, "opening portals to other worlds" and simply being ridiculous. But I couldn't find the courage to reject him, feeling like I would betray him and being just a tiny bit excited myself. But I would never say that out loud. 

A sudden knock on the door let me (literally) jump back to reality. I fell on the floor, bumping my elbow in that process and knocking an empty teacup to the ground. The ruckus caused my unexpected visitor to enter and bending down to me. Groaning I pushed myself up a little, my face now inches away from Henry's. For a few long moments I just sat there, frozan, staring blankly and blatantly at his (surprisingly) even face. 

"Richard? Is everything alright?", Henry asked quietly, almost whispering. Upon realising how close we were I felt myself becoming beaming red, face growing hot from embarrassment. Hastily I scrambled back on my feet, swanging slightly because of the sudden movement. Henry reached out to catch my arm and helped me stabilize. Once the black and white dots vanished, I cleared my throat awkwardly. 

"Hi, Henry. Sorry for this chaos, I didn't expect you this early." Rubbing my neck embarrassed I looked around my room, dirty clothes littering the floor, unmade bed in clear view, desk full of open books and crumbled papers, and back to him. He smiled, though a slightly confused look in his eyes. 

"It's okay...but Richard, are you okay? It's almost half past ten. And we still have a lot to prepare. Off we go!" I barely had time to collect all things I needed for this ritual before Henry dragged me out through the empty halls and out to his car. 

His driving was more gruff than usual. He made the impression that he was impacient and couldn't wait till we would finally start. My nerves were raw and I felt jittery. It was a weird mix of curious excitement and the fear I would die tonight because of an overdose. 

But Henry was, despite his unlike behaviour cool as a cucumber. As we reached his apartment he pulled over and me out of his car and towards the door to his home.  
Inside he asked me to empty my pockets and in no time started to crumble the dryed leaves of the magic mint and filled a pipe with it. Then he dug up the ingredients for the Kykeon. The original recipe said this drink was made of water, barley and sometimes wine or goat cheese but the most important ingredient was the pennyroyal. This was the plant that made it mythical, that would help us (or so Henry believed) enter the world of the Greek gods. 

As I prepared everything to help us get into a psychedelic condition, Henry set up the right atmosphere. This being candles, emitting a heavy sweet scent, a circle in the garden, painted with black paint and around this circle various Greek letters. Henry stood in the middle, smiling blissfully, reaching his hand out to me. 

Slowly I approached him, the pipe and the tumbler with the Kykeon in it with me. I put both down and took his surprisingly warm and soft hands. Silver moonlight casting over us as we behold eachother, lost in the moment and us. 

Suddenly Henry let go of one of my hands, picking up the pipe and the tumbler. He held the pipe out to me, but I hesitated.

"You know...after this there's no going back for us. Whatever will happen our relationship and our viewing of eachother will never be like it is now. Maybe we'll hate eachother after this. Don't know the others name anymore, I could hurt you-"

"But this experience could also strengthen our bond. We will see things the rest couldn't even dream of. Isn't that fascinating? Mind-blowing? But I won't force you to do anything you don't want to. I would be disappointed, yes, but I'm not that desperate." 

Henry looked back at me, the same unease in this mezmerizing blue eyes of his as he first told me about his idea. With more confidence than I really felt I took the pipe out of his hand and the smile came back to Henrys face. But before I lit the leaves it had one last question. 

"How are we gonna open this...gate or whatever? Are we supposed to chant some Greek phrases over and over until we're allowed excess?" Henry chuckled. "The book I found tells the philosophy of the atomists. And they believed that everything is made of atoms and that between them were an empty space, like a vacuum, called the void. We have to break through the void and behind it will lay another world of this multiverse." 

"But how do we know, if we're in another world or not? After all the parallel world could look just like ours."

"We will feel it." And without another word he chucked down half of the Kykeon, grimacing and handing me the rest. Taking a deep breath and closing my eyes I grabbed the cool glass and took a great gulb of it. It burned in my throat and threaded to come back up but I held my mouth shut, forcing the brew down. Desperate to get rid of the awful taste I reached for the pipe and inhaled deeply. At first it tasted bitter but soon I felt my mouth numbing. I took a second drag and a third. The smoke was hot but at the same time it felt calming, narcotic even. The grey colours of the night around me and Henry began to blur together, one huge grey sheet intervowen with silver threats of moonlight. I swayed slightly, Henry caught me, grip firm around my arms. 

I suddenly felt very small, like one of the aroms that tried to prevent us from entering the void. In this huge nothing Henry the only one I could cling to, my anchor in a wild and stormy sea of light and darkness. I could feel his breath near my neck, whispering sweet nothings, avouching me that we were almost there, stroking my hair and simply holding me down during my high. 

I don't know which drug kicked in first, but the second one wasn't long in coming. The grey began to dissolve, more colours coming through and something that just looked like a divine being. Tall, well-built, like I was looking at Adonis himself, and glowing, a golden halo not just around his head but his whole body, blinding me with its godliness. I felt the strong urge to drop on my knees, I, a simple human, not being of enough worth to directly look at this higher being. 

But a soft hand slid under my chin, cupping it tenderly and tilting my face upward. I had to close my eyes at the bright light surrounding my opponent. Velvet lips ghosted over my lids, sending shivers down my spine and flashes of europhia to my heart. I didn't dare to move a muscle, afraid this beatific sensation would vanish. 

The lips were searching their way over my nose and my cheeks to my lips. Like a butterfly, those sweet, lush lips touched mine, sending me in an ecstatic stade leaving me unable to tell who and where I was. And at point I lost it. Eagerly I pressed myself closer, chasing after more satisfaction, clinging to every positive feeling I could get. 

The hand that had cupped my chin moved downward, down my neck and my side to the hem of my shirt. Those heavenly lips followed, nibbling and sucking on my jaw and the side of my neck, biting and licking at my collarbones, eliciting sounds from me I never thought was possible to utter. 

Lips traveling back up, hands too (under my shirt), pressing firmly against mine, nibbling and biting causiously, drawing gasps and moans from me until I had difficulties to breathe, steady hands rubbing and pinching my nipples, makeing me hoarse and bringing me on the verge of tears. And I was still fully clothed. But that changed the next second. 

Without me noticing my shirt was gone and a hot mouth left a wet trail of lovebites from my chest to my abdomen over my body. I felt hot, like burning up, feverish and incredibly aroused. My pants felt tight and my erection craved for a touch. But it seemed like I had to be patient. Big hands roaming over my body, touching and kissing every inch. As the touches neared my pelvis again I let out a desperate whine, earning a chuckle that sounded slightly familiar, but I couldn't figure out why. 

In the next moment my pants were gone and my throbbing erection hit the cool air, making me hiss. But in the blink of an eye the cold was gone, a warm hand wrapping itself around me, stroking me. If it was even possible my ecstasy doubled, leaving me choking on nothing, breath caught in my throat, my hands desperately seeking hold on something, anything. I felt my fingers brush over hot, smooth skin, hard and firm muscles underneath. The perfect help to steady and collect myself again. But this didn't last long. The next moment I could feel a hand moving to my knee and from thereon further upward, kneading my thigh, petting the soft flesh on my inner thigh, followed by a wet, hot tongue, kissing and licking its way up to the base of my cock. 

After that it was hard for my mind to follow the events. I know that we joined ours bodies at some point, swooning, lost in eachother and our rapturous delight. We were one unit, emotionally and physically, inseparable, even if we wanted to, but this experience connected us. We wouldn't be the same, but there was no need for us to be. We had eachother and that was enough. 

(⋅_⋅) (∶| ) (.㆒.) ( |∶) (⋅_⋅)

The next morning I woke, my whole body aching, even in places I didn't know I had. But felt strangely happy. The memories of the last night weren't more than a drop in an ocean, befogged from the drugs and my bodily pleasure. 

Next to me Henry stirred, turning slowly towards me, smiling. 

"Good morning. How are you feeling?" "Mornin' to you too. Still a little tired. And I feel like Atlas had dropped the earth on me but otherwise good." Henry smirked mischievously. "Now tell me: did you like it? Was the experience worth it?" Grinning, I nodded.  
"Though I'm not sure if we really entered an other world, I definitely saw an unearthly entity that I had the best sex of my life with." I could see Henrys smile widen. "What a coincidence. Me too." Slowly he lifted hand and stroked my cheek with his thumb lightly. 

"But it was more than simple physical enjoyment. We reached a higher level of consciousness together. And this experience and memory are so much more important to me." For a long moment neither of us said something, simply smiling and sharing affectionate gestures. 

"What will we tell the others, if they ask? For example why I look like fell in a beehive or ran into a cloud of mosquitos?" Smirking he touched a hickey on my neck, looking kinda proud. 

"Just tell them we visited the Elysium together." Thinking I took his hand in mine, pressing a light peck on the knuckles. "Henry...you're not disappointed, are you? That it didn't quite work out? That it was more like a second bacchanal?" Frowning he shook his head. 

"No. Why would you think that? This was something entirely different. Even better than the bacchanal I might add. I thought it was the same for you...?" 

"Yes, yes it was, don't worry", I hastened to add, "I just wanted to be sure...'cause you know...we don't, didn't know eachother that good. But now we do...I think?" 

"I'm sure we two shared moments together that even my long friendship with the others can't be compared to. But let's not talk about that. I want to enjoy the little time I have with you." 

And so Henry and I stayed in bed the whole day, cuddling, reading, talking...and being cheesily lovey-dovey. 

The next day Henry was his old self again. Cool and composed, not one glimpse of the tender, childish Henry I was allowed to meet the last two days.  
My life at Hampton didn't change much after that. In public Henry and I were classmates, good acquaintances, that had a drink together sometimes, nothing more. But in private we were just like a couple. It didn't matter to me that our relationship was all secrets. As long as I could be with him it was enough. 

Unfortunately we weren't meant to be. Eventhough we shared this special bond we drifted apart. We stayed in contact, those special memories our treasure but just were too different. I visit Henry every year, we phone eachother one or two times a month but that's it. I'm not sad about that or something like that, quite the contrary. I will forever be happy I made those memories and I don't regret anything.


End file.
